I'm sorry for not telling you the truth from the start.I know in a way I've led you on.I sincerely apologize.Please don't feel like this is any of your fault.I was like this before I met you.You did not turn me into the opposite direction.I did like you.If you feel like you were betrayed,I don't know what to tell you except I'm sorry.I didn't mean to hurt you in any way.I really do care for you.You're a very good friend to me and I don't want to lose you as a friend.I feel like after I told you,we're falling apart friendship wise.I don't know how but I got the strangest feeling.Maybe I'm just thinking too much but despite I'm sorry for everything.

If you're reading this,I just wanted to let you know I still care for you.I know you no longer want to have any communication with me until you feel like it's okay to talk again.This hurts me deeply but I'll respect that decision.You know you were the only person I truly ever loved.Even if I moved on and found someone else you'll always be a part of me and I'll always love you.I mean that from the bottom of my heart.I still think of you at times and wonder how you're doing.Trust me I won't ever forget you.Everytime I think of you,there's an ache in my heart that reminds me how stupid I was for hurting you.I never meant it.You out of all people would be the last I want to hurt.Please forgive me.I still want you to be happy with whoever you're going to be with in the future.I'm sorry I couldn't be the one to give you that happiness that you wanted.I'm sorry for not carrying out our plan.I'm sorry for giving you hopes and taking it away.I'm really really sorry.If ever you decide to talk to me you know how to reach me.I said that I'll always be by your side if you needed me,I will keep my words.Remember how I stuck around when you were at your worse time?When you were going through that heartbreak a year or so ago?I did that then I'll do it now.That won't change.You'll always have me as a friend.Thank you for showing me how to love.I owe that to you.I'm sorry we didn't work out...

This week has been...wow cant even describe.I finally came out with the truth after all these years and I feel so relieved.I thank her for giving me the courage to come out of the closet.I finally manage to tell me people that I am actually gay.For all of you who I havent told and is reading this entry,yes it's true I like girls.I came out on Wednesday.At first I was really scared and nervous to tell but I did it eventually.It started with Sang-Ji at second period.She was surprise.She didn't believe me.She said that if I liked girls then I wouldve like her because she's so attractive hehe.I told her I don't like my friends.Throughout the whole day I kept on telling people about my sexuality.People's reactions vary.I thought Cresha's response was the funniest.Anyways at the end of the day I was really glad that I told people.It got easier and easier after awhile.

I won't regret for what I did Vy.You were one of the main reasons why I was hiding this from everyone this whole time.You held me back.I hate you for doing that and yet right now you're still trying to do that when you know its too late.Of all the people I thought could support me,you disappointed me.You always bring me down.For once I just wanna be happy but you wont let it happen.I'm tired of caring about what others think.I don't wanna hide myself in the closet anymore.Yes I was afraid at first.I was the main reason why this hasnt come out before.I didn't have the courage.I was weak.I was afraid what others might think about me.I was a coward.But no more.I'm tired of keeping this a secret.I just wanna let it all out.If people can't accept me for who I am then there's nothing I can do about it.I thought you always say put family first.So why can't you listen to your own advice this time?I'm sorry I couldn't be the perfect sister you wanted me to be.Or should I say "normal" in your own words?If you can't accept me then I wont make you anymore.I'm sorry.I have to be selfish.One day you'll understand...

I'm really starting to like her.When I talk about her to other people,I catch myself smiling alot even they have to say it for themselves.The more I get to know her,the more I'm becoming to like her alot and alot.My feelings for her is growing stronger by the minute.I know I've only really known for 2 weeks,well actually talked to her and we've only been together for 4 days but that doesn't really matter to me.I know we are rushing into things but I really don't mind.We're starting out really great and that's the only important thing to me.I spent so much time with her for the past week, and I'm still not tired of her yet.Some people say we look alike.I find that funny.Is it the hair or the face?I don't know but yeh I called her my twin when I see her.She's like eww I'm with my twin hehe it's funny.She says the stupidiest things,it just makes me laugh where my stomach starts hurting.I really like how we are right now.We're off to a good start.

10.04.05

<3 Phory Meas <3

Right now everything is going alright.Calculus and Chemisty are both getting pretty hard for me.Think I might try to drop the Calc class if Dr.Dilliard would let me.I don't know,I'm just having trouble doing those problems that Douthit and Sorabi's assigned to us.Maybe I should just try to come to class .Should've taken easy classes this year with it being my last year and all.Anyways enough of school.

Finally got a new car!Pretty exciting but now I have to worry about car payments and insurance,gonna be stressful but its all worth it.Also finally got my senior pictures taken after like holding it back for so long,thought I wouldnt make it by the deadline.Didn't turn in my senior quote though,hope they still let us later on.

Today we did a play in English,it was pretty funny.We acted out Hamlet and I was the king.I took Chris's jersey and wore it,man it was huge!Got his watch also.The student teacher like took pictures of us also.

So yesterday this guy told me that he liked me.He asked me if he was being obvious when he talking to me.Honestly,I didn't even think about it.Maybe I just don't pay attention anymore.Today Cresha told me this guy liked me also.She asked me if I was interested but I told her nah.She was like man if she was single she would've went for him cuz hes so finee hehe thought that was funny.So yeh that's pretty much an update about my love life.Still single

When I first saw you again this year,you blew my breath away.When we exchange glances,I thought you finally noticed me.When you look at me and smile,my heart melted inside.When my eyes were locked into yours,it felt like I could look deep into your soul.When you passed me by,I stare at your back as you walked away.If only you know how I feel...

"Want You Back"

Mandy Moore

Last night I saw you the first time since we broke up
I tell you baby it all came back to me
when I looked into your eyes there was something more
that I never really noticed before
Could it be?
That all along
I was so wrong
When I realized
And turned around and you were gone
If I say I want you back
Would you turn around and say you want me too
'Cause I say I want you back
This time I really mean it

It hurts so much
I want to tell you I changed for you
But I don't know what to say or do
We grew apart but I still want you in my heart
I believe it's time to make a new start
Could it be that all along
I was so wrong
When I realized and turned around and you were gone

If I say I want you back
Would you turn around and say you want me too
'Cause I say I want you back
This time I really mean it

It's a thing
I want you
I want you back
Will you turn around and walk away
From me
It's a shame
I want you back
With me
Believe

If I say I want you back
Would you turn around and say you want me too
'Cause I say I want you back
This time I really mean it

And if I say I want you back (I want you back)
And if you say you want me too (Do you really want me too?)

And if I say I want you back (I want you back)
And if you say you want me too (Do you want me too?)

And if I say I want you back (Want you back)
And if you say you want me too (I need you by my side)

And if I say I want you back (I want you back)
And if you say you want me too (Do you want me too?)

And if I say I want you back (Baby, I want you baby)
And if you say you want me too (I want you too, I want you baby, do you want me too?)